You’ll soon see the light again
I don’t remember how exactly it all started. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t know what to do…
My primary school days I was a quiet girl, always doing the work, and making sure I was keeping myself to myself, I didn’t like to be a known person. My older brother was the opposite, a loud mouth showing off all the time, I guess in ways he was in-fact a bully.
I had a small group of friends at primary school, we often fell out but not one of us was ever alone, we always had someone else, I guess they say two’s company three’s a crowd eh. Moving to secondary school was a whole new experience completely. There were loads of new people, who all seemed to be loud, confident and popular, I seemed to stay with the same group of small friends that I had from primary.
Then when a website opened up called “formspring” which is similar to ask.fm. I started getting a few messages asking me why I was quiet and why I didn’t talk to many people, what colour hair was I naturally, and more serious questions, like “Why are you so thin, you anorexic slag?” The medication I was on to control my asthma and thyroid problem meant that I couldn’t put weight on, and if I missed a meal I’d lose about 2lbs.
I didn’t know who it was asking the questions, I didn’t know that they we’re about to escalate into something worse. I logged on and received many death threats, some threatening me, saying they we’re going to kill me on my way home from school, saying what street I lived down, and some targeting my family. I got so scared I daren’t go to school, I quickly locked myself away and started self-harming.
Then my mum one day made me go to school, where I was beat up by three people, and they told the whole school I was a ‘depressed emo freak’ after they saw my arms and legs. I went into the toilets that day and took an overdose, I collapsed on the toilet floor surrounded my vomit, I’m not sure who found me, but later I was admitted to hospital and then taken to an inpatient assessment.
After therapy and support I joined an antibullying charity, sharing my story helped me to see the light again, I’m now a confident adult, I’m so happy my suicide attempt, failed, because now I get to help those who are going through what I went through.
If you are a victim of bullying, please speak out before its too late, there’s support for you everywhere, whatever day/night. We’re here. It does get better, its hard but with a lot of determination, support and help… You’ll soon see the light again.