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New to the forum, love helping people. First post, introduction!

4
OscarSosa
I'm very new to cyber bullying and what encompasses the term. I do know what bullying is and how being bullied can make one feel. I have been a victim and a bully, when I was seven years old I was bully. Two years later a ran into the young kid whom I had bullied and apologized, afterwards we even spoke and were friendly towards each other.

One question which always comes to mind whenever anyone takes action, is why. I believe the why is very important and leads to the how. With both one can have completely understanding of the situation, even if you're the victim or the onlooker seeking answers to defuse a situation.

I've some theories I wish to share with the community, i'd love to hear everyone's thoughts.
I believe not all victims seek help due to empathy with their aggressor, it's possible even fear of retaliation is a factor. Is it possible that bullying can come from even those we love? I believe it's possible those we love are the ones we let, hurt us the most. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to say "no" to friends? Imagine how many times your friends ask you for a favor, chances are you want to help your friends and are capable, so you do. Sometimes even at greater cost to ourselves do we help our friends and not say "no". It's important to know when and how to say no, no matter whom it is. Imagine how difficult it'd be to say no to a complete stranger, for example homeless people. In theory let's say homeless people are bullies of emotions, and they know how to receive our empathy in their own ways in order to get what they want and achieve their own goals. Well, remember saying no is important and so is helping others, but there's a point in which helping others becomes an abuse to oneself. If I lined up 10 homeless people and you have enough food/money to assist 3 homeless people would you? What about the 4th who saw you giving the the first 3 and so forth? Well the moment you give it's your responsibility to say no when you can no longer give. Once you've said no, know it took strength and courage to say no to someone in need when you yourself couldn't give anymore. Bullies take power and refuse to give it back, make sure you say no to bullies who try to take your power, your courage, and your strength.
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Jules92
Hi Oscar. What an intro!! I really like what you are saying here, it brings a really intelligent perspective to the community. Leave it with me for a while and I will respond!! Oh, and welcome to the cybersmile family!!
:))
3
Mac
Welcome Oscar, nice to see you have hit the ground running with a great introduction. I think what you are talking about here is setting boundaries. Some people do find it difficult to set and maintain these boundaries which can stop people taking advantage or bullying. This can also be very difficult to do with family and close friends. What many don't realise is that by saying no you not only can stop it from happening, you can also gain respect by standing your ground and most importantly you can gain self respect. Great post, thanks Oscar.
0
OscarSosa

In reply to Jules92

Thank you, I appreciate the warm welcome and your time.
0
OscarSosa

In reply to Mac

Thank you, and yes standing ones ground can be difficult and even more difficult if you don't take a stand immediately.
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kirsty123
Hi Oscar nice intoduckion I'm also a victim of cyberbullying so what I did wasthis I emailed [email protected] for a trained. Advisor and she's helped along the way and so have cybersmile I love it here I hope u like withered too rember stay strong and keep smiling. Also remember this bullying is never yourfault don't let the bullies win stay strong I hope things impove for u soon. Xx
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OscarSosa

In reply to kirsty123

Thank you, getting help is often more difficult than it seems usually due to making situations more difficult is the situation isn't handled proper. I hope help has worked for you as well as it did for me or better, I will stay strong and always smile. Do the same Kirsty.
2
ISmitran
Hello there friend and hats off to your introduction.It is hard for people to reveal themselves when they have such situations like you. I had many situations i can't even count them,for example the worst one starts from the war we had on Balkan's during the 90's and after that , because i am the citizen of the land that was attacked by another land that i am originally from,imagine that strugle.i don't want to go into details because this is another matter that doesn't relate with yours and it wont help you much , but all I can tell you from what i have learned ,there are always two sides of a story,two sides of the medal or however you like to call it,from the agressor and from the victim. i don't want to defend the agressor for no reason,all i can tell you,don't feel bad about it,the agressor wants something you have and he doesn't,those people are not happy with themselves,especially if this person is your "friend" , belive me,real friends will never make you feel bad,or ask of you to do something they know you can't do,that is why they say having one real friend nowdays is winning the lottery. :) If you feel bad near that specific "friend",tell him or her how you feel,see how they react,if it is real friend,he will try if it isn't,it is better to separate than to spend time with this person that eats or drinks out all of your energy it is like a bad job you do and hate it and you know you want to leave it,but changing job now is unsafe area,like a bad relationship or bad marriage,if it does bad to you,it is time to move on,it is heard,but you know you must if you want to continue to respect,love yourself and to stay positive.Belive me it is better to be on your own then to be surrounded by energy eaters or drinkers :) .For those homeless people i don't know what to,really,because there are many and everyday more from where i come from,however my country is small,sadly but true and sometimes i can't even help myself, my family and friends,let along to help homeless strangers . I wish i could but it is mission impossible,so don't burden yourself with that,you will help when you can and how. Your family,people you love,friends will understand and appreciate and that is what matters.There will always be things and situations that you wont be able to have your influence on,like me or no one else:the hunger,homeless people,wars,natural disasters,disaes and such.You are just a human and as my late grandmother used to say:"No one has ever baked pie that every person in this world said it was delicious." It means that you can't make the whole world happy in every sense,so it is okay,you are just a human. :) I hope i helped you at list a bit,if not,i'm sorry,but i really tried to do the best from my part.Hope to talk to you soon again. :)
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kitty
Hay nice into it was very interesting and I loved it I was bullied alot ever since 1st grade
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OscarSosa

In reply to ISmitran

Everything you said was wonderful and insightful. You're absolutely right, it's impossible to help everyone but we can do our best to help as much as possible and never take ourselves for granted either. It's good to never beat yourself up either, when our efforts in our eyes seem like they're not working it's best to take a step back and breathe to fully assess what we have done and respect our work and ourselves and the people we influence for good. Family, friends, work, and love are very important aspects for happiness to thrive and we must cherish every opportunity to be with our loved ones. I'm sorry for your struggles between the two lands, being in the middle of something you didn't choose to be in the middle of can be difficult and even more difficult to pull away from. I hope to speak to you again too and see the amazing human being I know we're all capable of being.
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OscarSosa

In reply to kitty

What steps helped you from being bullied?
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(user deleted)
Hi Oscar! glad you can join us :)
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Wanesite
Welcome to Cybersmile! I liked your introduction a lot.