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internet troll + gaming griefer

I started trolling/griefing online in 2010 I troll people on YouTube (I have yt channel and I upload grifing videos),Facebook ( I have fans :D) and on online games I rarely troll people on fb,yt but most of the time I do griefing on games and I enjoy it.I want to stop but I don't know how? I don't have any friends and I haven't talked to somebody for a long time trolling is eating me alive trolling destroyed me from the inside I scream from the inside and I don't know why I keep doing it sometimes I cry and I stop for maybe a week then I comeback to troll and grief what I do is wrong but I am not a bad person.
Sorry for my bad english
Hi Vortex, welcome to the forum and well done for opening up about what you are going through. You are not alone, we hear from lots of people who struggle with aspects of their own online behaviour as well as those who are targeted. Here is a link that shows you can change and move on from negative spaces in your life -
Our advisors are always available through [email protected] if you need to get in touch. :))
Hey, Vortex. I don't think you are a bad person because you know what you are doing is not right and that it is probably hurting you more than anyone else. We all have a dark side so you are not alone in doing things that you know are wrong and that may hurt others as well as yourself. You are only human!
The fact that you recognise this is good, you can move from this if you make the effort and follow what you know is right.
Have you thought about channeling those feelings into something else? art, music? acting? sport?
If you look at it like getting rid of a bad habit, such as smoking or biting you nails it may be easier to think of something you can do instead?
You can only try. We are always here for you if you need a boost!! :))
Depends on what kind of trolling you do. For example I do trolling sometimes on gaming, like exposing the cheaters, killing the campers (they troll too) when they don't expect it, dominate a player that thinks he is the best, but without a bad purpose. The enemy players get angry from it, but it's all part of gaming, sometimes you win sometimes you lose, you got to accept it. Being called a troll just because you got skill is wrong, that's not the reason.

I have recently did grief/troll to one of my friends by exposing him that he lost a 1vs1 match against me. I did that through posting a story in instagram and that made him very angry, because I tagged his personal account on it so that's another reason. I did a wrong thing, we didn't even talk to each other because of this. Then I realized I have hurt his feelings with that thing, which was not okay. I apologized after few days when I realized that the thing I did was very childish from me and I promised I would never do this thing ever again.

Nowadays we are sort of trolling duo, but we just annoy the other players and then we tell them it's a joke. Trolling with no bad reasons should be considered okay, should it?