X Close Search

havin problems?

1
kitty
i've been havin' probs with being nice all the time because of stress what should I do?
0
Frank
Keep it up!!!! Being nice is something that you should always do. You may not feel great or you could be stressed out but being nice is the perfect way to create positive feelings when you are feeling low. Don't give in, don't give up!!!
:))
2
Reflective_Joy
I am sorry to hear you are feeling stressed out Kitty. I don't think you should feel you need to be "nice all the time." We need to express when we are feeling down, angry, sad, annoyed. But it is HOW we choose to express them that counts. Do you have someone close to you that you can have a venting session with?

I think Frank here is right, that being nice can create positive feelings. I definitely think surrounding yourself with positive things can help. Like reading the Positivity Shrine on here, Watching a comedy, anything that can lift your spirits can help with stress. But when it comes to having trouble " being nice all the time" it doesn't need to be all or nothing.

Showing compassion and kindness to others, can coincide with feeling stressed and irritable. We just have to choose how we let those emotions out. Kindness doesn't have to be this constant feeling of happiness and joy. You are allowed to have bad days. If you equate kindness with being smiley all the time and you find that hard, then try re-framing it as, " I am going to be compassionate to others today" Compassion can just be consideration. Not a bubbly happy smiley response. I think sometimes, we feel expected to be overly joyful all the time. Not at all! I think it's important to recognize how we feel and own it. Which you are doing!

Here are a few tips that help me when I am feeling stressed or about to say something I shouldn't;

-BREATH. Take a deep breath. Hold for three seconds and breath out ( repeat)

-WRITE IN A JOURNAL. Put down on paper how you are feeling. When done, write 5 things you are grateful for underneath it. By channeling your stress to paper then writing something positive, can change your stress level and how you respond to people.

-ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL STRESSED. Give yourself permission to feel stressed. Sit with it for a second. If it helps, picture your thoughts as clouds that are just passing by. You're feeling their affect, but you're watching them move on by like on a windy day.

-SCREAM IN A PILLOW. Seriously! This can help release pent up stress and emotions. Better to scream into a pillow then at a friend!

-SMILE IN THE MIRROR. Stand in the mirror and hold a smile for a few minutes. Their is research to show that we don't feel happy then smile, we smile and then FEEL happy! It's a physiological response. It sounds really silly but it works!

-COLORING. My all time favorite. If you like art, They now have coloring books for teens and adults now. They are all the rage right now. They help induce relaxation by focusing on a task where we aren't thinking as much.

I probably gave you too many ideas here. But hopefully some of them may be helpful for you.

Let me know how it goes!
0
kitty

In reply to *Reflective_Joy*

i well let you know ive been coloring alot and been talking to my brother that helps me but hes barly ever home because of work so im uselly home alone but i try to keep myself busy to not always think bout the stuff that makes me stressed out -The Kitty inserted image
1
Reflective_Joy
That's great to hear Kitty! Yes keeping busy can help. But don't keep too busy that you are avoiding what is stressing you out. Maybe you could color/draw what is stressing you? Sometimes putting into words or using art to express how we feel can help us find a healthy way of dealing with it. It can also be a way of "releasing" it by putting it on paper. Just an idea! But sounds like you are doing what you can!inserted image
0
ISmitran
Hello,dear Kitty. :)I understand you completely,same here.I was thinking to write about it but i see you have something similar and i'm happy that someone started topic like this one.I can't help or advice you in this case because i can't help myself here,let along to you.I am okay when people are nice,kind even if they don't wanna talk , okay,but when someone starts any kind of conflict with me,argue or fight,i start to sweat,my hands began to shake and my palms are sweating and i just block and can't speak.I would like to know how can I make this stop happening every time,and i always somehow try to stay as nice as possible,just to avoid all that, because all i can do in that moment is run away from that person's bad energy or to stay and say something wrong or bad to this person and only because that is beyond my control,not because i want to be harmfull,it is a moment reaction.Than later i remember all the "clever things" i should and could say to this person without any harmfull words,but letting her or him know that i wont allow that kind of treatment towards me,just because they think they have power ower me,better job position or whatever,i wanna stop that behaviour somehow and i've tried to control this but it wasn't sucessfull,at all.There were moments where I could say the right thing in the right moment,but a moment after that,all the conflict sypthoms from above,would alaways come back even worse and i'm not even sure do this people notice this when they look at me in that very moment.There are few people I have spoke about these troubles of mine,but all they could say is;control,concetrate,you are strong,you can do it...i know,but i can't be strong all the time and i fear these kind of conflict situations may threaten my health. I even belive the fact people don't see what this does to me on the outside,but there is a mess inside,for example:i feel stomach tingling,like i have butterflyes in my stomach and i don't mean this in a good way,like when you are in love. Later i end up with a serviouce stomach ache or headache,it all depends.I would just like to point out that this happens only when someone wants to put a fight,negative argue or conflict on me,I usually am not afraid to speak my mind,i do not fear to go out in public when i stand up against something for something good,especially if i need to defend someone else,i always defend others better than myself,i was even few times in front of camera talking about everyday stuff,i don't have low selfesteem,i don't have many fears,but when it comes to the " one-on one" conflicts,it usually happens at work,i just block as i said above.This troubles and worrys me hard. If someone knows the way to deal with this, in any way,please help. :( Thank you again Kitty for this topic and I can only hope that this helps us,you and me both to win this.:)
0
kitty

In reply to *Reflective_Joy*

thanks I havent had much stress since ive been doing what you said and ive been avoiding the people that are making me stressed out!
1
kitty

In reply to ISmitran

Wow yours.is pretty much like my life except I have a kid at a young age I'm only 13
0
Reflective_Joy

In reply to kitty

That is really great to hear Kitty! So glad you are feeling less stressed out.
0
kitty

In reply to *Reflective_Joy*

Haha I'm at great wolf lodge in danger USA it's fun with friends even there HOT TUB now that gets rid of stress
2
kitty
Also another thing to get rid of stress is singing my friend says I have a pretty voice in singing!