well guess its time for to be a bit open with myself.
my ups with gaming:
1. for some strange reason gaming brings me joy, the stories i play in gaming, and the stories that i make when playing with people, could be the time i did the greatest come back in my history of gaming, to the story of my team beating a tough boss and almost lost battery life during the final hit that was scary, that is what gaming has bring me joy.
2. gaming has brought a sort of a way to cope with the lost of someone close to me, when i lost a close family member i went to gaming, heck we all have our own ways to deal with loss, for me was gaming, and to be honest my mind was clear i didnt care about if i win or loss, i just played till my mind felt cleared, so in some ways gaming became like a zen for me, it help me cope with lost.
3. gaming has really changed everything, rise of E-sports, twitch and streaming, everything is changing in the gaming world, and right now gaming is changing even more we haven't hit its peek yet, just we are waiting for its perfect form haha.
but also gaming has gotten me down at times.
1. its hard at times, not cause of the real world, but in gaming i feel its gets harder to find new people at time, especially in teams, cause you want to be part of something but its not easy when you get older.
2. like no matter who far i push myself, its still hard for me to find a team that can wants me, could be me being scared of trying out, but its hard at times, trying to be the best but dont get rewarded at time kind of hurts.
3. balanced, i can be very competitive in gaming especially in rank games, i can be a bit hard on people cause it feels like i do the work, and i just want to get the W mentality, its hard finding a balance between fun and competitive heck i dont know how these youtubers do it a times. just trying to find a balance without yelling can be a bit difficult especially when you enter a losing streak.
now the big one my ultimate fall the day i just wanted to quit gaming for good.
i got into a fight with my best friend last year, it got even worse, try to find forgiveness and i got it, but a cost, i lost her and pushed away some friends, it was a dark time for me, that i will still need time to heal, but also they were my gaming friends, we spend hours playing and playing those were my happy memories, but since i lost them felt gaming was just not working out for me.
felt that gaming brought me nothing but painful feelings, i did what people do i had to let them go, i erased them from my friends list, it was hard not going to lie, felt like i lost he biggest war ever, gaming didnt help me, it kind of hurt me more, but what happened why did i come back?
could be a game that i was excited for, could be time healing me again, i dont know could be a i meet new people, or the intro to cybersmile, but yet there still a part missing from me that will take a while to fill or be hollow, i dont know what brought me back again, all i know gaming has its ups and downs and you will feel it too, but hey ill still be reporting and still be gaming.